The confidant

If you knew some of things I knew, you’d probably start your own multimillion dollar blackmailing firm with branches in all the metros and with over 3000 employees. For instance, I know all about this actor who is sleeping with his producer’s wife. That is indeed, a very generous sign of gratitude to the man who provided him his first break. I also have some information on this cop who was caught on tape with a sixteen-year-old. Apparently, the filmmakers are demanding a handsome amount from the rookie actor – production charges of course. Wait. Here comes the local MLA’s secretary. He is my favourite. For one, his confessions are always high on news value. Sex, lies, videotapes. But the best part - he’s got something new every damn day.

Too much to swallow

I have some strange and strong views on religion and god. One of them is that, I think god is like a placebo. There must have been a time when life had our forefathers with their backs against the wall. They needed help. Unfortunately, most of their problems had no solution. Death for instance. So a few doctors, extremely wise men without a degree, sat together and created this placebo called god. And along came cures like heaven, nirvana and good afterlife. Prescriptions were published in the form of Bhagwad Gita, Bible, Qu’ ran, Avesta, etc… People were much happier thereafter. Cometh a problem, take one in the morning, one at night, and one at any other time you feel hopeless.

For the love of dogs...

Last weekend, after around six rounds of drinking, one of my closest friends told me how he had just declined a great job and a mammoth pay hike for his dog. As in, it is not that the dog was jealous or anything. It was simply because he wasn’t willing to relocate and leave the dog back home; and yeah, his fiancée too. I somehow completely fail to understand how people can take such crucial decisions over dogs, or cats or even iguanas. I am already having enough trouble trying to love and relate to human beings. So as of now, I guess dogs don’t stand a chance.

Cleanliness is next to...

I think there is a direct relationship between intoxication and cleanliness. I tackled three days of garbage and dirty vessels after 3 drinks of whisky; a thing I would have been otherwise incapable of. I cleaned up the entire house (which includes the toilets) on around 8 pegs of rum. I wonder what it must take for those poor guys who clean up the sewage pipes. Poison?

Master of Muppets

Recently, I discovered and identified a special skill in me. I choose to write about it because it is not a frequent occurrence in my case.

I guess I have had this ability for quite some time, but have just not been able to name it. The talent I am talking about is the power to manipulate. To be precise, I can convince people into doing things and saying things, while in a conversation with them. There are even times when I can actually see it coming, the nod of agreement; and feel it. Just like Neo could see through the Matrix. The skeletal structure of the devious plot is all just too clear to me. And the best part is, the victim does not even realize it.

I feel guilty at times and at times I feel arrogant, with the latter dominating. But most often, I feel joy. People who know me well might beg to differ. Well, I guess that proves the point.

The unsaid

I think romance is at its best in its unexpressed form. Like the gaze that tells a thousand tales only you can hear. Like those melodies in our dreams. We let them play in our head without letting them get pinned down by lyrics. Like those words. The ones that say a lot more when unwritten than when inked.

The pasta lesson

It’s been a while since I began questioning the morality of my job as a copywriter. As I picked up my latest job brief, my cynicism grew deeper and darker. I was to write nice things about a popular pasta brand, and eventually cajole the masses into buying it. I tried it, and just like a couple of earlier experiences, hated it with utmost passion. There lies the answer to my question - colorful and steamy in a nice white ceramic bowl.

Afterglow

Woman: "I am going to make you drink a whole lot of rum and make you do things which you would otherwise refuse to."

Man: "There are many consequences to excessive alcohol consumption - hallucination and oral disembowelment to name a few. But FYKI, hypnosis is definitely not one of them."

The American Job

I have a friend who lives in the United States of America. She is getting married in December. A couple of days back, she asked me if I could do a little bit of cropping and make her wedding invitation cyber-friendly, and fit for circulation via email. I agreed. By agreeing, I deprived yet another American of a few American dollars. I guess this will not go down too well with Mr. Obama; considering how he has reservations about outsourcing.